Genogram…Is It a New Fly?

In a study I’m involved in, we’ve been discussing the potential benefits of making and using a genogram. Sorry to disappoint my fellow fly fishers, but a genogram is not a new type of attractor fly. A genogram is structurally similar to a family tree, but serves a very different purpose. A genogram includes information about relationships and interactions between family members, while a family tree only depicts lineage.

Imagine a genogram as a family tree with much more detail about how the family members interact with one another. For example, a family tree might show us that “Mary and Tom are married”, while a genogram could tell us that “Mary and Tom are married, but they are emotionally distant from one another”.

A genogram becomes most valuable when it includes information about several generations. Patterns that are usually hard to decipher seem to jump out once they’ve been mapped on paper. Maybe you’ve already noticed a trend of marital trouble in a family’s history, but a genogram can highlight the pattern of aloofness and anger that’s at the root of those marital problems.

Every generation, families pass a piece of themselves to their kin. The things that are passed down can be beautiful or valuable, like stories, culture, knowledge, and belongings. Or, they can be mostly insignificant, like a cowlick and green eyes from one’s grandfather.

Other times, more insidious traits can be passed through generations. Sometimes there’s a genetic predisposition to addiction or depression. Other times, unhealthy ways of thinking and behaving are passed down socially, through example.

Genograms provide a way for us to examine these patterns. They bring a family’s strengths and weaknesses out into the open. Genograms set the foundation for nurturing generational strengths and overcoming weaknesses.

The person leading the study showed us his personal genogram, which among other things showed a preponderance of alcoholism throughout multiple generations of his family that also included several of his own siblings. Did I mention, he comes from an Irish Catholic family? (Let’s face it, stereotypes have some basis to them.) This man is not shy about reminding his children of this family tendency in hopes of not having history repeat itself once again.

The discussion of my friend’s genogram was very thought provoking for me. One thought I had was how God was still able to work through even the alcoholism in this family. The alcoholic brother of my friend’s alcoholic grandfather actually became an early leader in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). That relative’s son and his cousin also later became active in AA, eventually helping other alcoholics. God blessed them and used their adversity to eventually help others. I’ve found that to be God’s MO (modus operandi). It certainly was in my life where God used my two divorces to bring me to a relationship with Him, as well as, a way for me to help other men in divorce and men seeking true significance in their lives.

So I guess that means we could also have a spiritual genogram. Even before participating in the recent genogram study I had been thinking about my spiritual family history. It just so happens that within the past few weeks, two men that God used to help lead me to a relationship with Christ passed away. You may have heard of one or both of them: 86yr-old John MacArthur, founder of Grace to You Radio died 7/14/25 and 89yr-old Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family Radio, died 8/21/25.

When my life fell apart after my first divorce it was cataclysmic, but it led me to a fateful night when I was faced with the thought that if I died that night I would spend the rest of eternity in hell. My situation seemed hopeless. Even if God graded on the curve, which He doesn’t, I was in total agreement that I deserved hell. It was at that moment that some of what I heard John MacArthur and James Dobson say on the radio, came to mind. I had heard them explain that Christ died as a substitutionary payment for the sins of those who choose to trust in him as Savior and Lord. This was a new concept to me in that I grew up believing Christ to be primarily a good model for us, and that heaven was something to be earned.

These men didn’t know the part that God had them play in my salvation and in my life. Now, out of gratitude to God I’m trying to live a life that may please God and bless others. If I drew up a spiritual genogram they would truly be on it, as well as men who have walked through life with me since I became a Christ follower. It’s eye opening to contemplate those generational ancestors that may have had an effect on us. It’s also compelling and relevant to think about the impact we might have on someone down the line from us on our genogram—perhaps our children, other relatives or even a friend in need.

Intentionality and a sense of purpose and mission are powerful in shaping a life. We each have an opportunity to be instruments for good or for harm. I said I was divorced twice. That’s a sad statistic that I can’t change, but I can do my part to not let it be the first of many broken relationships in my immediate family. I can’t go back and change history, but I can live a life now that illustrates how God can redeem broken people and broken relationships.

What about you? Even though you may not decide to create a formal genogram, you can still reflect back on your family and your past to identify some of the good, the bad and the ugly of your family’s past (and yours). You can look for potential vulnerabilities to strengthen and to warn your kids (young and adult). And don’t be afraid to share with them that just because you or a relative survived a situation, it’s not something you would want them to endure in their own lives. This process may not be fun, but it may also prove to be another form of tough love. And never forget, Jesus death as a payment for sins was not easy either, but it was the ultimate expression of love.

Feel free to share your thoughts or experiences on the FATC FORUM. Remember our motto, It isn’t just about the fly fishing.  And by the way, I listened to those inspirational men I mentioned and others on KSIV radio (91.5 FM St. Louis).

John Muckerman

FATC Inspirational & Leadership Studies Lead